Parent Tips: Test Anxiety & Performance Nerves—Calm Confidence Before Big Days

If your child studies, knows the material, and then “blanks out” the moment a test hits their desk, you’re not alone. Some kids get stomachaches, some feel shaky or teary, and others scribble random answers just to “get it over with.” Big projects can trigger the same reaction: they freeze, avoid starting, or suddenly remember every reason to leave the room.

Test anxiety is not a character flaw or laziness. It’s your child’s nervous system reacting to pressure, sometimes so strongly that it blocks access to what they already know. The good news: you can’t (and shouldn’t) remove every hard thing from your child’s path—but you can coach them in routines and tools that help them feel calmer, clearer, and more in control.

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This article walks you through step-by-step routines for the night before, the morning of, and the moments right before a test or big performance. You’ll get grounding strategies, reframing scripts that turn “nervous” into “ready,” a simple study-plan template that cuts down on cramming, and ideas for partnering with teachers on low-stakes practice assessments so your child can build confidence over time.

Understanding Test Anxiety (So You Can Respond, Not Just React)

It helps to name what’s actually happening when your child “chokes” on a test. Under pressure, the brain sometimes flips into a “threat mode” instead of “learning mode.”

Common signs include:

• Physical symptoms such as stomachaches, headaches, sweating, or a racing heartbeat.
• Mental blocks such as going blank, rereading the same question repeatedly, or forgetting simple facts.
• Emotional reactions like crying, snapping at you, or saying “I’m going to fail anyway, so why try?”

This is not stubbornness; it’s a nervous system that needs support and structure. Your job is to help shift from:

• “This test decides if I’m smart.”
• “If I mess up, it’s over.”

to:

• “This test is one data point about what I know today.”
• “Feeling nervous means my body is gearing up for something important—just like before a game or performance.”

Once you understand that, the routines below will make more sense: they are designed to calm the body, focus the mind, and give your child a predictable game plan.

Building a Calm-Confidence Mindset: Reframing Nerves

Before you work on what to do the night before and morning of, it’s important to tweak how your family talks about stress. The goal is not to pretend tests don’t matter, but to put them in perspective and reframe what nerves mean.

You can share three key messages.

Message one: “Nervous” and “excited” feel similar. Explain that a fast heartbeat and butterflies can show up when you’re scared and when you’re excited. You can say things like:

• “Your body does the same thing before something fun and before something hard.”
• “Those butterflies are your body’s way of gearing up to focus.”

Practice saying:

• “I’m feeling nervous-excited.”
• “My body is getting ready to help me do something important.”

Message two: Effort and strategy are more important than perfection. Shift the focus from the score to the process:

• “Our first question is: Did you use your plan? Then we look at the score.”
• “Even if the result isn’t perfect, using your tools is a win.”

Message three: Mistakes give us a map. Frame mistakes as information:

• “Missed questions show us what to practice next.”
• “We don’t hide tests; we use them as study guides.”

The language you use at home will shape how your child interprets stress signals at school. Calm phrases repeated often work better than one big pep talk the night before.

A Simple Study-Plan Template (So Cramming Isn’t the Only Option)

Many kids wait until the last minute because they don’t know how to break study tasks into blocks. A simple, repeatable structure can reduce overwhelm and make studying feel manageable.

You can help your child use this template whenever a test or big project is coming.

Step one – Map the time frame. Work backwards from the test or due date:

• Mark the test day in the planner.
• Count how many days you have, then reserve short daily blocks instead of one long cramming session.

Step two – Break content into small chunks. List the topics or sections that will be on the test:

• Vocabulary or key terms.
• Important formulas or rules.
• Concepts or themes.
• Sample problems or practice questions.

Group them into small pieces your child can review in 15–20 minutes.

Step three – Plan mixed review blocks. Instead of one “vocab day” and one “problem day,” mix them:

• One block might include 10 minutes flashcards + 10 minutes of practice problems.
• Another block might be 10 minutes rereading and annotating notes + 10 minutes explaining a concept out loud.

Step four – Include active strategies. Encourage your child to do something with the material:

• Say answers out loud instead of only rereading.
• Teach a mini-lesson to you or a sibling.
• Write a one-page “cheat sheet” they won’t use, but that forces them to filter what matters most.

You can sketch a simple weekly template on paper or a whiteboard:

• “Monday: review notes for chapters 1–2 + 10 practice questions.”
• “Tuesday: vocab for units 1–3 + 5 short-answer questions.”
• “Wednesday: mixed review + mini quiz.”
• “Thursday: quick review + early bedtime.”

The idea is to make studying look like a series of small, doable actions instead of one giant mountain.

The Night-Before Routine: Downshifting, Not Cramming

The night before a test can either fuel anxiety or ease it. You want to aim for a “calm-closure” routine rather than a “panic-marathon.”

You can build a repeatable night-before plan with a few ingredients.

Short, focused review instead of endless studying

• Encourage one last 20–30 minute review block that is active and targeted.
• Suggest your child prioritize weak spots: “Let’s spend 10 minutes on the part that felt hardest and 10 minutes on a quick mixed review.”
• Use a mini self-quiz: quick flashcards, a practice problem, or explaining the main concepts out loud.

Plan and pack to reduce morning chaos

• Have your child lay out clothes, pack their backpack, charge their device, and put needed materials (calculator, pencils, notecards, water bottle) in one place.
• Use the “photo checklist” idea if you already have one for school: one picture that shows “ready for test day” items laid out.

Wind-down routine for the body and brain

• Choose a tech-off time that still allows for wind-down: 30–60 minutes before bed if possible.
• Swap high-stimulation screens for calming activities such as reading, coloring, listening to quiet music, or a short, light conversation.
• Try one simple relaxation tool:
  • Slow breathing: inhale through the nose 4 counts, hold 2, exhale slowly 6 counts.
  • Gentle stretching: neck rolls, shoulder shrugs, forward fold.

Sleep over perfection

• Remind your child that sleep is part of studying because it helps consolidate memory.
• You can say: “Right now, sleep will help your brain more than one more page.”

Even if the night-before routine isn’t perfect every time, having a familiar pattern helps the brain learn: “We know what to do; we’ve been here before.”

The Morning-of Routine: Keeping It Predictable and Light

The morning of a test or presentation, your goal is to minimize surprises and keep stress signals from spiking.

You can design a simple “test morning” recipe.

Steady start instead of rushing

• Aim for waking up a bit earlier than usual so you aren’t frantically grabbing things.
• Use a consistent order: wake up → bathroom → get dressed → breakfast → quick review → leave.

Keeping the order the same on most school days helps test mornings feel normal, not special and scary.

Fuel and hydration

• Offer a balanced breakfast that includes some protein and complex carbs if possible: eggs and toast, yogurt and fruit, peanut butter and a banana.
• Encourage water or milk instead of large amounts of sugary drinks. Small changes can make a big difference in how steady they feel.

Mini review (if your child finds it helpful)

• Some kids like a 5-minute warm-up: flip through a few flashcards or re-skim key formulas.
• Other kids feel more anxious if they look at anything. For those kids, focus on breathing and light conversation instead.

Reframing scripts you can say out loud

• “Feeling a bit nervous means your brain cares about this and is waking up to help you focus.”
• “Today is about doing your best with the tools you have. That’s all anyone can do.”
• “If you get stuck, take a breath, go to another question, and come back. Getting stuck for a minute doesn’t mean you’re failing.”

Pick one or two phrases and repeat them each test day. Familiar language is grounding.

Right Before the Test: Grounding Strategies and “Test Start” Scripts

The moments just before a test—when everyone is silent, papers are being passed out, and the room feels tense—are often the hardest. You can teach your child a tiny pre-test ritual they can do at their desk without anyone noticing.

Grounding with the five senses

Teach simple, quiet grounding strategies they can use if they feel a wave of anxiety:

• Notice five things you can see (desk, wall, pencil, floor, shoes).
• Notice four things you can touch (chair, paper, clothes, water bottle).
• Notice three things you can hear (teacher’s voice, shuffling, clock).
• Notice two things you can smell or like the smell of (pencil, soap).
• Notice one thing you like about yourself as a learner (curious, hard worker, creative).

They don’t have to do all of these at once. Even focusing on sight and touch can help anchor them in the present moment instead of spiraling in fear.

Breathing to reset the body

Practice quiet breathing they can use during instructions:

• Inhale slowly through the nose as they count “1-2-3-4” in their head.
• Hold the breath comfortably for “1-2.”
• Exhale slowly through the mouth for “1-2-3-4-5-6.”

You can call this “stealth breathing” at home and practice during calm times so it feels comfortable.

Self-talk at the very start of the test

Help your child pick one or two phrases to say silently before they write their name:

• “I don’t have to know everything; I just have to show what I know today.”
• “I can take one question at a time.”
• “If I blank for a moment, I will breathe, skip, and come back.”

Encourage them to write something calming at the top of the test (if allowed), such as a small star, a positive word, or a simple reminder like “One question at a time.”

During the Test: Simple Strategies for When the Mind Goes Blank

Test anxiety doesn’t always disappear once the test begins. Kids may still hit “blank” moments. A few basic strategies can give them a way forward.

Brain dump at the top of the page

If the test allows it, your child can quickly jot down:

• Key formulas or definitions.
• Steps to solve a certain type of problem.
• A short outline for an essay question.

Encourage them to do this as soon as they’re allowed to write. It offloads memory onto the page.

Skip and return instead of getting stuck

Coach them to:

• Circle or mark questions they feel unsure about.
• Move on to easier questions to build momentum.
• Return to hard ones once they’ve warmed up.

Remind them: “Getting stuck on one question for a long time makes your brain more stressed. It’s okay to come back later.”

Anchor questions for confidence

Suggest that they:

• Start with one question they are almost sure about.
• Use that early success as an anchor: “I got this one; I can keep going.”

If panic hits mid-test

Tell your child that if they feel very overwhelmed, they can:

• Put the pencil down for a few seconds.
• Place both feet flat on the ground and feel the chair beneath them.
• Take two slow breaths.
• Read the next question more slowly and underline key words.

These tools won’t erase all anxiety, but they can prevent a temporary blank-out from turning into “I’m failing; there’s no point.”

Partnering With Teachers: Practice, Not Just Pressure

Teachers and school counselors can be strong allies in reducing test anxiety. Many are willing to adjust how students practice, not just how they’re graded.

You can approach teachers with a collaborative tone.

Ways teachers can help

• Offer low-stakes practice quizzes or “check your understanding” exercises that don’t heavily affect the grade.
• Allow students to see test formats in advance so the layout is familiar.
• Provide a short practice question on the board at the start of class that resembles what the test will look like.
• Allow students to review missed questions and correct them for partial credit or reflection.

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How you can ask

You can send a short email like this:

Subject: Support for [Student Name] with test anxiety

Hi [Teacher Name],

I am writing about [Student Name] in your [class/period]. They know much of the material but often “blank out” on tests and feel very anxious on big assessment days. At home, we are working on routines for the night before and morning of, and we are practicing calming strategies.

Would it be possible to include some low-stakes practice assessments or sample items so [Student Name] can get used to the test format without as much pressure? Even small things like a short practice quiz, a released sample problem, or a chance to review missed questions would help them build confidence over time.

I appreciate anything you might be able to do and am happy to support from home.

Thank you, [Your Name]

Often, small changes in how students practice can significantly reduce anxiety on the real thing.

A Weekly “Calm & Practice” Routine to Reduce Big-Day Spikes

Instead of only focusing on the night before and morning of a test, you can build a gentle weekly habit that keeps anxiety from building like steam in a pressure cooker.

You might try a simple routine like this.

Early-week check-in

• Ask: “What tests, quizzes, or projects are coming up in the next week or two?”
• Help your child plug those into their planner or calendar.
• Use the study-plan template to assign short work blocks rather than one long cram.

Midweek practice moment

• Do a 10–15 minute practice in a calm, non-stressful way: a few practice questions, a mini-quiz, or a short explanation of key concepts.
• Afterward, ask: “What felt easy? What felt tricky?” and adjust the next day’s practice accordingly.

End-of-week reflection

• Ask: “When did you feel proud of how you handled stress this week?”
• Ask: “Was there a time you felt really nervous? What helped you, even a little bit?”
• Choose one tool to keep using: a breathing pattern, a self-talk phrase, or a specific study habit.

Over time, this steady rhythm helps your child see tests as part of the normal flow of school life, not rare crises.

Conclusion

Test anxiety and performance nerves can make smart, hard-working kids feel like they are constantly failing a class they should be passing. But when you view those nerves as something the body does—not who your child is—you unlock a path forward. Structured routines the night before, steady mornings, grounding tools right before and during tests, and thoughtful partnership with teachers can gradually shift your child’s experience from “I always panic” to “I get nervous, but I know what to do.”

You don’t have to use every strategy at once. You might start by changing how your family talks about nerves, or by adding one new step to your night-before routine, or by practicing a simple breathing exercise together. As your child builds skills and experiences small wins, their confidence will grow. Big days will still feel big—but they won’t feel impossible. And that sense of “I can handle this” is a gift that will serve them far beyond the classroom.

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