Unit Plan 23 (Grade 3 Counselor): Assertive Words for Peer Problems

Focus: Help students practice assertive communication during peer conflict. The counselor teaches the difference between passive, aggressive, and assertive responses using Grade 3 examples. Students practice scripts such as “Please stop. I do not like that,” “I feel left out when…,” and “Can we make a fair plan?”

Grade Level: 3

Subject Area: School Counseling (Assertive Communication • Peer Conflict • Problem-Solving)

Total Unit Duration: 1–2 weeks, 30 minutes per session

I. Introduction

This Grade 3 counseling lesson helps students understand how to use assertive words when peer problems happen. Students learn that passive responses may hide feelings or needs, aggressive responses may hurt others or make the problem bigger, and assertive responses are clear, respectful, and safe. The counselor emphasizes that assertive communication helps students speak up without yelling, blaming, insulting, or giving up.

Students practice using assertive words in realistic Grade 3 situations, such as teasing, being left out, unfair group roles, line conflicts, interrupting, taking materials, or disagreement during games. They connect assertive language to problem size, problem-solving steps, and safe conflict resolution. The goal is for students to pause, calm down, name the problem, choose respectful words, and know when adult help is needed.

Essential Questions

• What is the difference between passive, aggressive, and assertive communication?
• How can students use assertive words during peer problems?
• How can students decide whether a peer problem is small, medium, or big?
• How do problem-solving steps help students choose safe and respectful responses?
• When should students walk away or ask an adult for help?

II. Objectives and Standards

Learning Objectives — Students will be able to:

1. Identify passive, aggressive, and assertive responses in Grade 3 peer conflict examples.
2. Use assertive words to state a feeling, need, boundary, or fair request respectfully.
3. Recognize the size of common peer problems and decide whether to try a strategy, problem-solve, walk away, or ask for adult help.
4. Apply problem-solving steps by pausing, calming down, naming the problem, considering choices, choosing a safe solution, trying it, and reflecting on the result.
5. Practice safe conflict-resolution strategies, such as respectful words, compromise, turn-taking, walking away, or adult help.
6. (Optional Session) Apply assertive communication scripts through role-play, scenario sorting, or peer-problem practice stations.

Standards Alignment — Grade 3 (ASCA-based Custom)

• C:S4.3a — Identify Problems and Their Size
  • Recognize common school problems and decide whether they are small, medium, or big problems requiring different levels of support.
  • Example: A student identifies losing a pencil as a small problem, repeated teasing as a bigger problem, and someone getting hurt as a problem needing adult help right away.
• C:S4.3b — Use Problem-Solving Steps
  • Use steps such as pause, calm down, name the problem, consider choices, choose a safe solution, try it, and reflect on the result.
  • Example: A student says, “The problem is we both want to lead the game. We could take turns or vote.”
• C:S4.3c — Resolve Conflicts Safely and Respectfully
  • Use respectful words, compromise, turn-taking, assertive communication, walking away, or adult help to resolve conflict without unsafe or hurtful behavior.
  • Example: A student says, “Please stop calling me that. I do not like it,” and gets adult help if the behavior continues.

Success Criteria — Student Language

• I can tell the difference between passive, aggressive, and assertive responses.
• I can use assertive words to speak up respectfully.
• I can decide whether a peer problem is small, medium, or big.
• I can pause, calm down, name the problem, and choose a safe solution.
• I can ask for adult help when a problem is repeated, unsafe, hurtful, or too big.