Parent Tips: Substitute Teacher Days—Preparing Kids for Routine Changes Without Chaos

“Wait…we have a substitute today?”

For some children, that announcement means a slightly different school day, maybe a new classroom activity, and an opportunity to meet another teacher.

For others, it can change everything.

A child who normally walks into school confidently may suddenly become anxious. Another may treat the absence of their regular teacher as permission to ignore expectations. Some students become unusually silly, disruptive, or distracted. Others withdraw, refuse assignments, or spend the day worrying about when their teacher will return.

To adults, a substitute teacher may seem like a relatively small change. But for children who depend on predictable routines, familiar relationships, and clear expectations, that change can feel significant.

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Research on classroom transitions suggests that predictable routines, clear expectations, and appropriate behavioral supports can help students navigate changes more successfully (Banerjee & Horn, 2013; Fudge et al., 2008). Although research specifically examining children's reactions to substitute teachers is limited, these broader findings offer practical guidance.

The goal is not to convince your child that substitute days are exactly like ordinary school days.

The goal is to help your child feel capable of handling a school day that looks a little different.

Why Substitute Teacher Days Can Be Difficult

Children become familiar with the small details of their classrooms.

They know how their teacher starts the morning, explains assignments, responds to questions, handles disagreements, and manages transitions.

They may also know which expectations are flexible and which are not.

When a substitute arrives, those familiar patterns may change.

Research on classroom routines has emphasized that transitions can become challenging when students are uncertain about expectations or what comes next (Banerjee & Horn, 2013). Studies have also found that clearly communicated behavioral expectations and predictable transition procedures can improve students' on-task behavior (Fudge et al., 2008).

For children, substitute days can create several different challenges:

• Uncertainty: Not knowing what the day will look like.
• Anxiety: Worrying about unfamiliar adults or unexpected expectations.
• Behavioral testing: Seeing whether classroom rules still apply.
• Social pressure: Following classmates who become unusually silly or disruptive.
• Communication difficulties: Not knowing how to request help from someone unfamiliar.
• Routine disruption: Struggling when familiar procedures change.

The important point is that these reactions do not all have the same cause.

A child who feels anxious needs a different response from a child who becomes disruptive because classmates are testing boundaries.

Before choosing a strategy, identify the barrier.

Barrier #1: Your Child Feels Anxious About the Unknown

Some children rely heavily on knowing what comes next.

They may want to know who will greet them, where they will sit, how assignments will work, and what will happen if they need assistance.

When their regular teacher is absent, they lose some of that predictability.

Your child might ask:

“What if the substitute doesn't know me?”

“What if they change our schedule?”

“What if I don't understand what they want?”

“What if my teacher never comes back?”

These worries may seem unlikely to adults, but they can feel important to children.

What Parents Can Do

Start by acknowledging the uncertainty without making the situation sound dangerous.

Try:

“Having a different teacher can feel strange. Your classroom might do a few things differently, but you're still going to your school with your classmates, and the adults there can help you.”

Avoid promises you cannot guarantee.

For example, do not say:

“Everything will be exactly the same.”

It probably will not.

Instead, focus on what your child can count on:

• They know where their classroom is.
• They recognize classmates and other school adults.
• Classroom expectations still apply.
• They can ask for clarification.
• They can seek help if something feels confusing.
• A substitute teacher is there to help the class continue learning.

You are helping your child recognize that a change in routine does not mean a loss of safety or support.

Barrier #2: Your Child Thinks Substitute Days Have Different Rules

Other children react in almost the opposite way.

Instead of becoming anxious, they become unusually excited.

They may talk excessively, ignore directions, test boundaries, or follow classmates who are behaving disruptively.

Sometimes children assume that classroom expectations only apply when their regular teacher is present.

However, familiar expectations still matter when the adult delivering instruction changes.

Research by Fudge et al. (2008) found that using clearly signaled expectations and consistent transition procedures improved on-task behavior in a second-grade classroom.

Similarly, Obee et al. (2024) found that positive adult engagement and behavioral support during transitions reduced rule violations in an early childhood intervention setting.

These findings suggest that children benefit when adults explicitly teach and reinforce expected behaviors rather than assuming students will automatically adjust.

What Parents Can Do

Discuss substitute-day expectations before problems arise.

Ask:

“What rules stay the same even when your regular teacher isn't there?”

Help your child identify three important expectations:

1. Listen when an adult gives directions.
2. Treat classmates and the substitute respectfully.
3. Ask questions when something is unclear.

You can also explain:

“A substitute might teach differently, but your job is still to learn, follow school rules, and treat people respectfully.”

If your child has previously struggled with behavior on substitute days, discuss one specific goal for next time.

For example:

“Your goal tomorrow is to follow the first direction without waiting for the substitute to repeat it.”

Make the expectation clear, manageable, and focused on behavior your child can control.

Barrier #3: Your Child Doesn't Know How to Ask for Help

Some children are comfortable approaching their regular teacher but feel nervous asking questions of unfamiliar adults.

They may worry that the substitute will become frustrated or misunderstand what they need.

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Others depend on specific classroom routines that the substitute may not know.

For example, your child might normally use a quiet signal to request assistance, receive reminders before transitions, or have a designated place to calm down.

When those supports are missing or changed, the school day can become more difficult.

Teach Three Help-Seeking Scripts

Practice simple statements your child can use:

When directions are confusing:

“Could you explain what we're supposed to do first?”

When a routine changes:

“I'm used to doing this a different way. Can you help me understand what we're doing today?”

When your child feels overwhelmed:

“I'm having a hard time right now. Can I get some help?”

Practice these statements at home.

You can briefly pretend to be the substitute while your child practices asking for clarification.

The goal is not to teach children to challenge every unfamiliar direction.

It is to help them communicate respectfully rather than becoming overwhelmed, refusing, or giving up.

Create a Two-Minute “Sub Day Preview”

One of the easiest ways to prepare children is to establish a short routine for talking about substitute teachers before the day begins.

This works particularly well when a planned teacher absence is announced in advance.

But it can also be practiced occasionally so children are prepared for unexpected absences.

Step 1: Explain What Might Change

Say:

“Sometimes teachers are sick, have appointments, or need to be away. Another teacher comes in to help the class while they're gone.”

Keep the explanation simple.

You do not need to speculate about the teacher's personal circumstances.

Step 2: Identify What Stays the Same

Ask your child:

“What things about school will still be familiar?”

They might identify their classmates, classroom, school supplies, lunch routine, or other trusted adults.

Step 3: Choose One Coping Strategy

Ask:

“What could you do if something feels different or confusing?”

Possible answers include:

• Ask the substitute for help.
• Listen to the directions again.
• Take a slow breath.
• Look at the classroom schedule.
• Ask another appropriate school adult for assistance.

Step 4: Set One Goal

Finish with:

“What's one thing you want to do well tomorrow?”

Your child might choose listening, staying calm, completing work, or helping classmates appropriately.

This entire conversation should take only a couple of minutes.

The purpose is to build confidence, not make substitute days seem like major events requiring extensive preparation.

Try a Backpack Confidence Card

Some children benefit from having a small written reminder they can look at when routines change.

A backpack confidence card can be especially helpful for younger students or children who struggle to remember coping strategies when upset.

Keep the card short and positive.

My Substitute Day Plan

When something changes, I can:

1. Stop and take a slow breath.
2. Listen to the directions.
3. Ask for help if I'm confused.
4. Follow our school expectations.
5. Remember that I can handle a different kind of day.

My helpful sentence:

“I don't understand yet. Can you help me?”

My goal:

Try my best, even when things are different.

Parents can write these statements on an index card and place it in a backpack or pencil pouch.

For younger children, simple drawings or symbols may be more useful than written sentences.

If the card is meant to be shown to school staff, coordinate with the teacher first. Keep sensitive information about diagnoses, medications, or accommodations in the school's appropriate private communication systems rather than on a card that could be misplaced.

The card should provide reassurance without making your child dependent on constantly checking it.

What About Kids Who Become Silly or Defiant?

Not every substitute-day challenge is rooted in anxiety.

Some children become more disruptive because the classroom's social dynamics change.

When a few classmates begin testing boundaries, others may follow along.

Your child may return home describing the day as funny or exciting, even if their behavior was inappropriate.

Avoid responding with a long lecture about respecting authority.

Instead, focus on what happened and what your child can do differently.

Ask Three Questions

“What happened?”

Let your child explain the situation.

“What choice did you make?”

Help them identify their own behavior rather than focusing exclusively on classmates.

“What could you do next time?”

Work together to develop a specific alternative.

For example:

“If other students are talking while the substitute gives directions, I can keep my attention on the teacher instead of joining in.”

If your child disrupted the lesson, they may also need to repair the situation through an apology or another appropriate action.

The goal is accountability without shame.

A child should understand that substitute-day behavior matters, but one difficult day does not define their character.

What Parents Should Avoid

Well-intentioned responses can sometimes make substitute-day concerns worse.

Try to avoid these common mistakes:

• Making substitute days sound scary. Statements such as “You'd better behave because substitutes are strict” may increase anxiety.
• Promising nothing will change. Some procedures may be different, and children need to know they can handle that.
• Speaking negatively about substitutes. Children are more likely to approach unfamiliar adults respectfully when parents model respect.
• Encouraging children to test the substitute. A different teacher does not mean classroom expectations disappear.
• Overpreparing anxious children. Repeatedly reviewing every possible problem may increase worry rather than confidence.
• Assuming misbehavior is intentional defiance. Investigate whether confusion, anxiety, overstimulation, or peer pressure contributed.
• Expecting children to manage the classroom. Responsible behavior does not mean policing classmates or taking over the substitute's responsibilities.

The goal is to help children become flexible, respectful, and capable of navigating change.

How to Partner With Your Child's Teacher

If your child regularly struggles when their teacher is absent, communication with the school can make a meaningful difference.

Research on home-school partnerships emphasizes the importance of shared planning, communication, and coordinated support when children experience school-related anxiety (Conroy et al., 2022).

However, substitute teachers may receive limited information about individual students, particularly during unexpected absences.

Parents should work with the regular teacher to identify which supports can realistically be maintained.

For example, the teacher may be able to include a brief note in substitute plans about an established classroom routine or an existing student support plan.

Example Email: Preparing for Substitute Days

Subject: Supporting [Child's Name] During Substitute Teacher Days

Hi [Teacher's Name],

I've noticed that [Child's Name] sometimes struggles when classroom routines change, particularly when there is a substitute teacher.

At home, we've been practicing a simple routine for handling unexpected changes, including listening to directions, asking for help, and using calming strategies when needed.

I wanted to ask whether you've noticed similar difficulties at school and whether there are any strategies we could reinforce at home.

If appropriate, would it also be possible to include a brief reminder of [Child's Name]'s established supports in the substitute plans?

I appreciate your help and everything you do to support [Child's Name].

Thank you!

[Your Name]

Example Email: Following Up After a Difficult Day

Subject: Following Up on [Child's Name]'s Substitute Day

Hi [Teacher's Name],

[Child's Name] shared that yesterday's substitute teacher day was difficult. We've talked at home about what happened and how to make better choices when routines change.

I'd appreciate any additional information about what occurred and whether there is a specific behavior or coping strategy we should practice.

My goal is to help [Child's Name] feel more confident during substitute days while continuing to follow classroom expectations.

Thank you for your support!

[Your Name]

Both messages invite collaboration rather than assigning blame.

They also help parents reinforce the same strategies the school is using.

Three Common Substitute-Day Situations

Example 1: The Child Who Becomes Anxious

A second-grade student becomes upset whenever the regular teacher is absent.

The family discovers that the child worries about unfamiliar instructions and not knowing whom to ask for help.

Together, the family and teacher develop a short preview routine. The student practices asking for clarification and identifies another trusted adult at school.

Over time, the child begins approaching substitute days with greater confidence.

Example 2: The Child Who Treats Substitute Days Like Free Time

A fourth-grade student frequently receives behavior reminders when substitutes are present.

The family learns that the student tends to follow classmates who become disruptive.

Parents begin reviewing three consistent expectations and practicing responses to peer pressure.

The teacher reinforces the same expectations at school.

The focus shifts from punishment after every substitute day to practicing the behaviors needed for success.

Example 3: The Child Who Struggles With Changed Routines

A third-grade student becomes frustrated when a substitute changes the usual classroom schedule.

The regular teacher already uses a visual schedule and a predictable transition routine.

The family works with the teacher to ensure those established supports can be communicated to substitute teachers when practical.

At home, the child practices responding to minor changes using a familiar coping strategy.

These are illustrative situations rather than documented case studies. Each child may require a different approach.

Try a One-Week Substitute-Day Readiness Plan

Families do not need to wait until the next teacher absence to help children practice flexibility.

Try a simple five-day preparation routine.

Day 1: Talk About Change

Explain why substitute teachers are part of school.

Ask your child what might feel different and what will remain familiar.

Day 2: Practice Asking for Help

Role-play one situation where instructions are confusing.

Help your child practice a respectful question.

Day 3: Review Expectations

Identify three classroom behaviors that apply regardless of who is teaching.

Keep the conversation positive and specific.

Day 4: Practice a Small Routine Change

Make a harmless adjustment to a familiar home activity.

For example, change the order of two evening tasks and practice responding calmly.

Explain that flexibility is something people can learn.

Day 5: Create the Confidence Card

Write a short coping reminder together.

Have your child choose a sentence they find reassuring.

After the next substitute day, check in about what worked.

Avoid making the conversation exclusively about whether your child behaved.

Ask what felt easier, what was difficult, and what they might try next time.

When Substitute-Day Challenges Need More Attention

Most children experience occasional discomfort when routines change.

However, repeated distress or significant behavioral difficulties may require additional support.

Consider contacting the teacher, counselor, or school psychologist if your child:

• Experiences intense anxiety before anticipated substitute days.
• Frequently refuses to attend school when the teacher is absent.
• Has repeated behavioral incidents specifically during substitute days.
• Becomes overwhelmed by relatively minor changes in routine.
• Struggles to communicate needs to unfamiliar adults.
• Experiences significant distress that continues after school.
• Has an existing support plan that is not consistently implemented during staff absences.

If your child has an IEP or Section 504 plan, work with the appropriate school team to clarify how required accommodations and supports will be provided when the regular teacher is absent.

Persistent anxiety should not automatically be dismissed as ordinary resistance to change.

A systematic review by Manley et al. (2023) examined connections between classroom management and anxiety in primary school children. Although evidence about specific classroom practices was limited and mixed, the review highlights the importance of considering children's emotional experiences alongside school routines.

Parents and educators can work together to understand what is contributing to the difficulty and determine whether additional support is needed.

FAQ

Should I tell my child in advance when their teacher will be absent?

If the absence is known and the school has shared the information, a brief advance explanation may help. Keep it simple and reassuring. Avoid repeatedly discussing every possible change or making promises about details you cannot confirm.

What if my child finds out about the substitute only after arriving at school?

That is common. Teachers may become ill or need unexpected time away. Practice a general coping routine that works even without advance notice: recognize what is familiar, listen to directions, ask for clarification, and seek help when necessary.

Should my child receive consequences for misbehaving with a substitute?

Appropriate consequences may be necessary when behavior violates school expectations. However, also investigate why the behavior occurred. Anxiety, confusion, peer influence, and intentional boundary-testing may require different teaching and support strategies.

How can I help an anxious child without making them more dependent on reassurance?

Provide a brief explanation, acknowledge their feelings, and focus on what they can do independently. Avoid repeatedly answering the same hypothetical worries. Encourage your child to practice coping skills and recognize successful experiences.

Are substitute teacher days harder for children with ADHD or autism?

Some children with ADHD, autism, or other support needs may find changes in routine, communication, or expectations especially challenging. However, individual needs vary considerably. Coordinate with the school to maintain established accommodations and avoid assuming that every child with a particular diagnosis will respond the same way.

Should I contact the teacher after every difficult substitute day?

Not necessarily. Occasional difficulties can be handled through brief conversations and practice at home. If substitute days repeatedly lead to distress, missed learning, or behavioral concerns, contacting the teacher can help identify a consistent plan.

Conclusion

Substitute teacher days are a normal part of school life, but they can create genuine challenges for children who depend on familiar routines and relationships.

Some students become anxious because they do not know what to expect. Others become disruptive when classmates begin testing boundaries. Some struggle to ask unfamiliar adults for help, while others have difficulty adjusting when classroom procedures change.

These reactions require different responses.

Research on classroom transitions, behavioral expectations, and home-school collaboration supports the value of clear routines, explicit preparation, positive behavioral supports, and coordinated communication (Banerjee & Horn, 2013; Conroy et al., 2022; Obee et al., 2024).

At home, that does not require an elaborate intervention.

It may begin with a two-minute preview, a simple confidence card, three familiar expectations, or a conversation about how to ask for help.

Most importantly, children need to learn that a different classroom routine does not mean they are incapable of having a successful day.

So the next time your child tells you that a substitute teacher is coming, resist the urge to respond with:

“You'd better behave.”

Instead, try:

“Some things might be different, but you know how to listen, ask for help, and make good choices. What's your plan if something changes?”

That conversation helps children prepare for more than substitute teacher days.

It teaches them a skill they will need throughout life:

How to stay confident and capable when things do not go exactly as expected.

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Sources

Banerjee, R., & Horn, E. (2013). Supporting classroom transitions between daily routines: Strategies and tips. Young Exceptional Children, 16(2), 3–14. https://doi.org/10.1177/1096250612446853

Conroy, K., Hong, N., Poznanski, B., Hart, K. C., Ginsburg, G. S., Fabiano, G. A., & Comer, J. S. (2022). Harnessing home-school partnerships and school consultation to support youth with anxiety. Cognitive and Behavioral Practice, 29(2), 381–399. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cbpra.2021.02.007

Fudge, D. L., Skinner, C. H., Williams, J. L., Cowden, D., Clark, J., & Bliss, S. L. (2008). Increasing on-task behavior in every student in a second-grade classroom during transitions: Validating the color wheel system. Journal of School Psychology, 46(5), 575–592. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jsp.2008.06.003

Manley, H., Tu, E.-N., Reardon, T., & Creswell, C. (2023). The relationship between teachers' day-to-day classroom management practices and anxiety in primary school children: A systematic review. Review of Education, 11(1), e3385. https://doi.org/10.1002/rev3.3385

Obee, A. F., Hart, K. C., Maharaj, A. V., & Graziano, P. A. (2024). Taking charge of early childhood transitions: Preventing challenging behaviors through engaging routines. Journal of Emotional and Behavioral Disorders, 32(4), 254–262. https://doi.org/10.1177/10634266241271357