Unit Plan 16 (Grade 4 Counselor): Friendship Changes and Inclusion

Focus: Address the reality that friendships can change in upper elementary school. Students discuss situations such as changing friend groups, wanting to play with different people, feeling excluded, or navigating group work with classmates who are not close friends. The counselor teaches respectful ways to join, include others, set boundaries, and handle disappointment when friendships feel different.

Grade Level: 4

Subject Area: School Counseling (Friendship Skills • Inclusion • Respectful Communication)

Total Unit Duration: 1–2 weeks, 30 minutes per session

I. Introduction

This Grade 4 counseling lesson helps students understand that friendships can shift as students grow. A student may want to play with different classmates, join a new group, spend time alone, or work with someone who is not a close friend. These changes can feel confusing, disappointing, or hurtful, but students can still respond with respect, empathy, and maturity.

Students discuss realistic situations involving changing friend groups, exclusion, recess choices, group work, hurt feelings, and friendship misunderstandings. The counselor helps students practice ways to include others, join activities respectfully, set boundaries kindly, and handle disappointment without gossip, teasing, or unsafe conflict. The goal is for students to understand that friendship changes do not have to become friendship drama.

Essential Questions

• Why do friendships change, and how can students handle those changes respectfully?
• How can students include others while still respecting personal choices and boundaries?
• What respectful words can students use when they feel left out, disappointed, or unsure how to join?
• How can students resolve friendship conflicts safely and respectfully?

II. Objectives and Standards

Learning Objectives — Students will be able to:

1. Explain that friendships can change and that changing friendships should still be handled with kindness, respect, and care.
2. Identify how someone may feel when they are excluded, ignored, replaced, or unsure how to join a group.
3. Practice respectful communication for joining, including others, setting boundaries, and handling disappointment.
4. Choose safe and respectful conflict-resolution strategies for friendship misunderstandings.
5. Recognize when friendship problems can be handled with respectful words and when adult help may be needed.
6. (Optional Session) Practice friendship-change scenarios through role-play, sorting, or response planning.

Standards Alignment — Grade 4 (ASCA-based Custom)

• C:S3.4a — Show Empathy and Respect for Others
  • Recognize how others may feel and respond with kindness, respect, and care.
  • Example: A student notices a classmate is being left out of a game and says, “You can join our team.”
• C:S3.4c — Communicate Respectfully with Peers and Adults
  • Use respectful language, active listening, assertive communication, and connected responses during conversations, disagreements, and group work.
  • Example: A student says, “I understand your idea, but I think we should try this because it solves the problem faster.”
• C:S4.4c — Resolve Conflicts Safely and Respectfully
  • Use respectful words, compromise, assertive communication, perspective-taking, walking away, or adult help to resolve conflict without unsafe or hurtful behavior.
  • Example: A student says, “Please stop making jokes about my work. I do not like it,” and seeks adult help if the behavior continues.

Success Criteria — Student Language

• I can explain that friendships can change and still be handled respectfully.
• I can notice how someone might feel when they are left out or disappointed.
• I can use respectful words to join, include others, or set a boundary.
• I can handle friendship problems without gossip, teasing, or hurtful choices.
• I can decide when a friendship problem needs adult help.